Hush, In Jesus’ Name: When a Pastor Said No to Crying Out in Church (2024)

Posted on May 11, 2024 by Jonathan Clarke

Next month, thousands of faithful Christ-followers will flock to Houston’s George R. Brown Convention Center for an event that bills itself as “an international movement of spiritual transformation through empowerment and a personal breakthrough in your relationship with God.” The Lighthouse Church of Houston, led by celebrity minister Keion Henderson, senior pastor, hosts the event and calls it The Cry Out Experience. Over the past week, the church has received less attention for its conference, though, than for last Sunday’s service when Pastor Henderson muzzled one of his choir members as she cried out during service.

The moment, captured on video, spread like wildfire across social media in posts where seemingly everybody and their cousin took a position on whether Henderson overstepped his bounds. In the video, viewers see Henderson abruptly stop singing the song “Total Praise” to turn and admonish the choir member whose emotional shouting and wailing had become an apparent distraction. Henderson pivots stepping toward her with “Shh. Hey!” Moving purposefully, he snaps his fingers the first of three times and directs surrounding choir members to, “Stop her!” With his finger pointed at the worshiper and standing before her, Henderson sternly directs her to “Hush! Silence in the name of Jesus,” before returning to the front of the stage to resume singing himself.

The viral moment ignited a firestorm of opinions from a cross-section of Christians and non-Christians alike who took sides on whether Henderson went too far in restoring order, which is what he later claimed was his mandate to do as the pastor.

In a perfect world, the preacher at the center of it all would embrace this as a teachable moment and a chance to reach the hundreds of thousands of viewers who watched, especially the many who seized upon it as yet another reason to dissociate themselves from the church. But, Henderson has chosen instead to assume a defensive position and defend his actions publicly in a manner that much more resembles man-of-the-streets than man-of-God. By any other name that’s hubris.

While the incident presents a fertile opportunity to model humility and demonstrate how Christians resolve conflict, Henderson instead digs in with a display of bold arrogance and a pronounced lack of compassion. Appearing on Tamron Hall’s show this week, Henderson notably doesn’t apologize. Rather, he asserts unrelentingly, “I’d do it again if I needed to.”

No, sir, you didn’t need to snap your fingers at a grown woman and order her like a child to “hush.” You didn’t need to bully her publicly on stage in front of a congregation and a television audience. And, you didn’t need to assume a sexist posture stepping to her in a manner that you likely wouldn’t have approached a man. Even if you felt led to interrupt her praise, you didn’t need to do it that way.

There were a dozen other ways to handle that matter than what Henderson chose that would have maintained the sanctity of the service, preserved the dignity of the worshiper and restored the order that he desired. Instead, Henderson chose to flex. And now he says given the same circ*mstances, knowing what he knows, he’d do it all again, which is an admission that not only hasn’t he learned anything, but that he hasn’t sought to do so.

Personally, if I’d been at the center of a controversial viral video that trains anger on me, potentially shames one of my flock and makes the house of God a laughingstock, I would not want to do the same doggone thing again, especially not if I expected it might produce the same unwelcomed outcomes. I’d consider instead how might I have handled things differently in a less divisive way, one that doesn’t harm the church’s reputation nor alienate seekers of truth?

That is what they call wisdom. Arrogance and wisdom can’t co-exist.

In an interview appearing online ahead of last year’s Cry Out conference, Henderson promotes the conference as a place to “collectively express the unresolved pain, obstacles and challenges we face.” He says, “We believe the future belongs to those who cry out. There’s a scripture in the Bible that says, when they cried out the Lord heard them.” In the same article, Henderson’s wife Shaunie Henderson adds, “Culturally, we’re taught to hold things…This is one of those times we say it’s okay to cry out…People think crying out is coming in and falling out at the altar and I don’t think that’s what it is at all and being allowed a safe space.”

What safe space did Pastor Henderson provide that worshiper? Where can she now go?

If only for its public relations value, Henderson could’ve released a statement promising to reflect and discover what he could learn and how he could grow. He could’ve said that he plans to meet with the worshipper to reach an understanding. He could’ve admitted his own imperfections and those of the church. If he wanted to go ol’ skool churchy, he could’ve said something about the devil taking delight in these distractions and not wanting to prolong this episode.

Instead, since then he’s been fueling the discussion at the worshiper’s expense, rationalizing his point of view. Hear him calling the choir member’s outburst the latest in a 4-year “battle.” Why are you battling with a member over their praise in the first place – for FOUR YEARS? That seems to reflect poorly on his leadership making a far louder statement about him than the worshiper and her backstory.

And if she’s been doing this that long and it has troubled you, why invite her to share the stage with you, knowing the potential for an outburst — unless flexing and making a public spectacle of her was the end game all along?

-Jonathan Clarke
© Copyright 2024, Jonathan Clarke, All rights reserved

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Hush, In Jesus’ Name: When a Pastor Said No to Crying Out in Church (2024)

FAQs

What to do if your pastor ignores you? ›

But, if you think there is a pattern of him ignoring you, it's good and right to address it graciously: “Hey, pastor! I've sent you a few questions now and then, but I've never received a reply. I'm wondering if there's a better way to contact you.

What to do when your pastor offends you? ›

What to do Next?
  1. Ask God to help you forgive the person or people in the church that hurt you. ...
  2. Everyone has shortcomings - even the spiritual leaders we can tend to put on pedestals. ...
  3. Make a decision to not give up on church.

When you have a problem with your pastor? ›

Don't complain behind the pastor's back.

This leads to gossip and slander and will likely sow division within your church family. If you have a complaint that needs to be shared with the pastor, share it with him. Don't allow him to find out about it through the grapevine.

Why do we cry at church? ›

Tears during worship are NOT a sign of weakness, but a display of joy, godly sorrow, surrender, & love. Crying is normal and it is healthy to express your emotions. You shouldn't have to worry about hiding your tears.

Can you sue a pastor for emotional distress? ›

To successfully sue a church on the grounds of intentional infliction of emotional distress, it must be proven that the church's conduct was intentional or reckless and that it caused severe emotional harm.

What does the Bible say about confronting a pastor? ›

The Proverbs say, “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 10:8b). The wise pastor appreciates people who are willing to tell him the truth. However, we must tell the truth . . . in love. Confronting is not the same as criticizing.

What not to say to a pastor? ›

13 Things a Churchgoer Should Never Say to a Pastor
  • “You couldn't preach your way out of a paper bag.” ...
  • “We get it; we need to share the gospel. ...
  • “I can't look at you when you preach because you don't wear a suit. ...
  • “We aren't going to get as close to you as the last pastor.” ...
  • “You obviously don't look at my tithe amount.”
Oct 18, 2021

What does the Bible say about speaking against the pastor? ›

Philippians 1:10, “so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.” Criticism does not have a pure motive. Back to the question. The short answer is-it is never okay to criticize your pastor.

What to do when you don't respect your pastor? ›

Express your displeasure first and foremost to God alone. He is enough. Should after prayer and study the issue not be resolved in your mind, bring the matter to one of the Pastors or Elders as a committee of one. Ask them to help you walk through this time and consider their counsel.

How to deal with a bad pastor? ›

But if you feel called to confront the pastor, here are a few practical ideas that might help:
  1. Pray. Confronting a pastor is no small task. ...
  2. Seek confirmation. ...
  3. Write Out What You Want to Say. ...
  4. Meet with the Pastor. ...
  5. Involve a trusted friend or elder. ...
  6. Involve the denomination or overseers. ...
  7. Consider Leaving. ...
  8. Trust God.
Feb 26, 2015

What if I don't agree with my pastor? ›

If this happens, what you should probably do is humbly accept that you see things differently at this point, resolve to keep your disagreement to yourself, thank God for all the ways he has used this man's teaching in the lives of many, and cheerfully continue to submit to your pastor's leadership and profit from his ...

Does Jesus care when I cry? ›

God absolutely responds to the tears of everyone! The trials and tribulations of this world can certainly bring us to tears. In times like these, we can find strength, solace, and comfort by crying out to God in prayer. He is there to ease our sorrows and help us to deal with pain and suffering.

Does the Holy Spirit make us cry? ›

Certainly the Spirit of the Lord can bring strong emotional feelings, including tears, but that outward manifestation ought not to be confused with the presence of the Spirit itself” (in Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service [2004], 99).

How does God feel when we cry? ›

God Hears You

He hears our cries of unhappiness, pain, frustration, exhaustion, and fear. We can be honest with Him. His listening ear is always open to our prayers. His loving heart wants to embrace us as we cry on His shoulder.

When it's time for a pastor to leave? ›

There are, of course, good reasons to leave a church. For example if a pastor believes his marriage or family needs a transition for spiritual health, transitioning is advisable. Another reason may be he believes he is no longer physically or mentally able to minister to a congregation.

How do you deal with a difficult pastor? ›

So…if you're dealing with a difficult leader, don't become one yourself. Do your job well, and demonstrate the character and passion of your Savior. Let the God you serve settle scores and bring the new day He wants for your church. Don't fight your way to control!

What do you do when God doesn't respond? ›

Spend time in prayer and meditation, asking him for wisdom and understanding. Remember that God's ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and he may have a different plan or timing for your life. Trust God and remember that he knows what's best for you, even when you can't see it.

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